49% несчастных случаев происходит после слов: “Смотри как я могу”. Остальные 51% – после слов: “Херня… Смотри и учись как надо”.
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant.
The waiter brought the food and put it on the table.
After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.
Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do: 1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too. 4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. 5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So, Windows is *not* a virus.
Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model. The group of men reported that computers should be refered to as "SHE" because: 1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.